mrpencil

Memorial Distress

Dreams coincides reality if you believe

Yet diminished by what you conceive

Then burns you inside out

When all your soul wants to shout.

I think of her as much as I blink

Yet all it does is making my heart sink

But love floods my very being

It conquered all my self-esteem.

If you ask if she’s happy now

I can tell she is somehow

But with someone else’s presence

Thus her love for me is a withered essence.

Our memories kept me going after all

Smiling with tears as I recall

Our first dance and our first kiss

All living in my minds abyss.

Maybe its time to let go of my conviction

Maybe its time to stop my inquisition

Maybe those memories aren’t meant for me

Maybe i just need to let go and see.

How fast did she able to move on

When I’m suffering in pain in this oblivion

Am I just a pawn for her experience

Did she ever loved me out of conscience.

But its time for her to go

its time for these feelings to flow

After all in my very mind

We’re still together intertwined.

My Lonely Seraphim

There she is my lonely seraphim

With all thy wonders she already have

Yet sadness is seen through her eyes

Her beauty gazes the wonders above

All so amazingly echoes thy love

There she is my lonely seraphim

As she observes unfathomable universe

For which she’s alone in this starry night

Waiting for someone offers thy blight

There she is my lonely seraphim

Walking in her garden of grass and petals

While thy birds sings chirping for thee

Eyes that shows peace to see

Behold thy beauty the unreachable skies

Behold thy voices the blue fiery fires

There she is my lonely seraphim

As she grows thee old and weary

Tired of all yet seeks its existence

Rest now my lonely seraphim, rest now

As life tries to let go of pain

My poor and lonely seraphim

Lie down in this dirt and stone

As my farewell bids its last

There she is my lonely seraphim

My beautiful lonely seraphim.

I’m just a woman

The police kept asking me what happened

They judge me with their words that offends

With my eyes staring at them with worry

my tears came down as I tell them my story.

I’m just a woman, a normal woman

With a life almost perfect with my man

We struggled and live together

For our promises is forever.

The laughter the tears

All our strength and all those fears

The problems we share

The pain we bare.

Life is funny when it plays you

Everything seems like its untrue

But reality is what you never wish

Unspoken by tears with words abyss.

As my man turned into a monster

hit me beat me like a scorcher

I cant fight for I am weak

I cant shout for he wont let me speak.

Every night its all the same

Every night he puts me to shame

All I can do is beg while I cry

“I cant do this anymore I want do die.”

I wonder what happened to our perfection

The love the teamwork the passion

Life is unfair when it starts to decide

All you can do is observe and abide.

Night came as he rushed through the door

Hitting me as I fall on the floor

I ran and took the scissor on the desk

Stabbing him directly through his chest.

I stand there as I look him in shock

I have no choice please don’t mock

I never want to kill him I never did

But why am I happy as he bleed?

I’m just a woman, a normal woman

With a life that is once perfect with my man

Its not my intention for I’m just a woman

Please don’t mock please don’t make fun.

My monsters

Sitting idly in my locked room

Covering my ears from doom

There’s monsters outside

Their roars and shouts collide.

Every night I hide in here

Alone unsafe from what i hear

But fear is just an echoes flow

Waving towards me for all i know.

I can hear the things being thrown

The slam the bam the darkness blown

trapped in this void of transgression

Sound of battle for annihilation.

No one hears my loud cry

Every night I just wanna fly

Their words I don’t understand

Their fight is all out of hand.

My monsters please stop per se

Every night is a battle cliché’

Uncontrollable, unstoppable

Uncapable, insensible.

Without a choice I came out

Covered in fear and doubt

As their eyes gazed in anger

All I said was mother and father.

Psychotic

What does it take for patience to subdue

Imprisoned by chains of words untrue

humiliation and their gust of torture

Which normal people will never endure.

Now I’m looking at them laughing

As I mock their dead bodies unforgiving

The blood that boils inside of me

Red tints of vengeance you mustn’t see.

As I held the knife that bathe in their blood

River of anger flows through the mud

I killed them and now I’m a murderer

Laughing as I continue to slaughter.

You humiliate me! You destroyed me

I shouted as if they can hear my plea

You made me who I am now

Ask for forgiveness and bow!

I bashed their skull over and over

As my contentment fills my pleasure

But its not enough it never is

I feel empty and lost in the abyss.

As I stood up guns were aimed at me

I laughed and made them see

Who I am now was created

Who I will be is fated.

Chances

She walked away leaving me alone,

As we argue about things out of tone,

I cant stop her though I want to,

But our relationship is a mess you have no clue.

Its not always like this you know,

We loved each other, but love fades though.

Now there she is walking away,

As she yelled out “Goodbye Jay.”

I stood there silently watching her leave,

Thinking what I missed to perceive,

But there’s this one time when all was different,

The love, the thrill it was all sufficient.

What does love means when it fades,

How to pursue what is gone in shades,

Yet I can do nothing to stop her,

I don’t have a reason to offer.

We were happy once and it felt complete,

Oh those times when losing ain’t my defeat,

But flourished did our life together,

For which our love we both endeavor.

I sat on my chair crying and weeping,

Silently shouting “please come back my darling.”

I still love her after all this time,

Its time to hear our music’s chime.

I went out as I saw her slowly walking away,

Running towards her shouting “baby please stay”

Heck I don’t care what we argued lately,

I love you and I know I’m crazy.”

Love means that were together,

It doesn’t fade but to pursue it forever,

I don’t want to regret losing you,

For my hearts defines what is true.

She hugged me and cried,

As I told her the words abide,

“I’m sorry for all my wrong stance,

Lets start again, just give me a second chance.”

Table of Memories

Grandpa lets go we’re gonna be late!

Just a moment son please wait

Go on and ill follow in a little while

Ok grandpa I’m just gonna be near the aisle.

Standing here looking at that table

You wouldn’t believe our own fable

My friends and I used to chill here

Good old times holding a beer.

Our clown would be Ben, the noisy one

Full of jokes that bastard but its all fun

He always make fun of me, that asshole

Still that sucker is part of my very whole.

And the idiot is John

Or always acting like one

Every joke Ben say he will always get it last

He’s a fun lad and completes our blast.

The one so serious will be John

That one is part serious and part stubborn

No wonder he was always teased by Ben

Easily angered but a bestfriend then.

You know our alien Chris Wy

The one whos there but not there kind of guy

Weird but fun yet always have your back

Another piece of me which lack.

And lastly the guy with different girlfriends

Where every time he comes a number he lends

No other than Glen Fray Junior

Always in trouble when we were senior.

What fun we had in those days

With every problems we had our ways

Now I have the table we used to stay

The grass where we sometimes lay

Living long enough to see your loved ones die

To witness the truth of painful lie

But this demise may yet be a fate

Where I’m left alone with my self loving hate

Standing here looking at that table

Where we made our own fable

But tears fall down as I remember

That only memories live forever.

Last dance

Let me tell you my story,

Not the best but it has its glory,

It may not be the happiest,

But its not the saddest.

It all began when I was ten,

Listening to my teacher while holding a pen,

Then came a transferee from another town,

A young pretty girl from up and down.

I started liking her from that early age,

That’s just the start of my life’s page,

For I just witness an angel that caught my eye,

That one angel that doesn’t fly.

Her hair that is dark as chocolate,

And her eyes that glows incinerate,

And the thing I love the most of her,

Is her smile majestic as a panther.

One day when our teacher told us to pair,

I have no one but she offered her share,

I was so happy that time,

No words can describe nor rhyme.

We talked and shared our interests together,

As though for a long time we knew each other,

That priceless moment I will never trade,

The moment I went out of my shade.

The feeling inside me grew stronger,

Thus a heartbeat with her became faster,

Though it seems I’m just a friend,

But its better than a stranger in the end.

Years past when prom came,

I asked her but she’s not the same,

Silence is all she gave me,

That ache inside grew thee.

Prom came but I never saw her,

That night of sadness while I wander,

Then came her call as she told me,

They migrated without my chance to see.

No chats, no texts, no calls,

But still my love for her is like falls,

Pouring out without her knowing,

Deepest sadness and nights of crying.

I finished my degree with a job now,

Still loving her somehow,

That girl I fell in love since ten,

Asking myself when can I see her again.

Days, weeks years past,

I lost hope too see her cast,

I got a family and have kids,

Still I miss that girl heeds.

To cut my long story short,

I grew old and my wife died night forth,

My kids have kids and their family,

And I’m glad to see them happily.

But that’s not the end of my story,

Just some road of my life so curvy,

Then comes the day I walk in the park,

Sitting near that small wooden ark.

Just as I glance at her again,

Looking at the horizons den,

Yes she’s old but still got that majestic smile,

I stood up and walk towards the aisle.

As I stood near her she looked at me,

Tears run down her face as I see,

I hugged her for minutes I could not count,

I’m like flying in the sky with loves mount.

Then she told me her story,

For 50 years I have never imagined this glory,

We are old now and waiting to die,

But because I she’s hear its worth the cry.

We spent our day walking chatting and laughing,

Thus night falls and stars awakening,

As I held her hand and stood,

Looking at her eyes all in mood.

Lets have that dance 50 years ago,

It might be the last might not be woe,

For life express like a shadow lurking,

But love devours truly unending.

Time

Time is definitive and uncontrolled,

Which life begets none can hold,

What would you do when your time fades,

When you cant escape thy fate shades.

Yet life becomes fast as you know,

Realizing that thee is your own foe,

Which time is made for us to lose,

The life we kept the decisions you choose.

You might die today you might live another,

Yet your time will end for death is a tether,

But know that there is much greater than living,

To leave a legacy worth thinking.

To die in greatness or to live in shame,

To live in hallow or to die in fame,

Which is which one must choose?

For time has no renew and lose is lose.

Now what if you die unspoken,

Did you live your life worth the broken,

For time is definitive when it comes to living,

Would there be a legacy or just grieving.

Inevitable

Living in a world where war earns peace,

Guns and swords may yet to cease,

But care of wisdom may life’s demise,

To kill the living for beliefs unwise.

All those life crushed by delusions,

conquerors who cares nothing but destruction,

Will there be end to this annihilation?

Or will it stop when there’s no longer a nation.

An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind,

Peace means nothing, death now bind,

Now who did win but none survived,

Who to witness when there’s no alive.

Humanity is gone and treaties are ignored,

To kill who oppose for the sake of your Lord,

Then what a pathetic belief you have,

Where love is hatred and hatred is love.

Now whos to blame to point our fingers?

Evil in the midst that lingers,

Hungry to kill an innocent blood,

Hungry to end all mans lad.

If war is inevitable then death is exact,

A punishment for peoples unlawful act,

Now earn our disgust and blame,

Make our hatred be your fame.