Past projection.

(A child’s innocence)

It was 6:30 A.M. when the alarm went off. I could barely open my eyes as i try to reach the clock with my hand. I went up half awake walking to the kitchen like a drunk man trying to stay up.

As i reach the fridge i noticed a note. I remember that my boss gave us this day to visit our dead loved ones since we can’t visit them during November 1st since we have our company meeting tour which in turn our boss gave us early vacation.

“Lucky for me i don’t have anyone to visit to” i giggled in excitement as i think of the things i could do during my free days. Well, the fact that i cant invite my boyfriend since he is travelling for a week, i am all alone for 3 days.

“I should probably go to the spa. Yes, yes, then watch a movie and might as well have a lunch date with myself just to compensate for my one month diet.”

I immediately took a bath, brushed my teeth and get dressed.

I went to the spa first and relaxed myself during the whole session. After an hour or so i went to the cinema and on the way i saw little child probably 7 years looking at me straight in the eye.

Curious and stunned by his expression i greeted him.

Hello, sweety. All by yourself?

“Yeah”, he replied

Do i have something on my face?

“No, you’re just very pretty.”

Awe, thank you. Where’s your mommy?

“She hates me” he replied with a sudden sadness covering his face.

Okay are you hungry? Lets eat com’on I’ll buy you an ice cream and a cake. You like cakes don’t you?

“Yeah” he nodded.

We went to the restaurant and ate there. I cant help but ask him about his mother.

Why does your mother hate you?

“She told me” he replied.

She probably loves you sweety and she might be angry when she said that.

“Maybe, but she’s always angry at me”

Poor little thing. Since am all by myself why won’t you come with me and lets enjoy the day.

He looked at me and smiled. “okay”

We went to the playground near the mall and there we both spent our day.

It was getting dark and i was worried that his mother might be looking for him. We took off and i drove him to his house. I was delighted while seeing that he lived in my old house.

Wow, you lived in my old house. Can i come in.

“No, mom would be angry” he said

Okay say hi to your mom for me okay? Bye sweety

He took off and run inside

Wait i forgot to ask your name but he was already gone so i went home.

After that day i went to the park and i saw him again.

Hey sweety, i greeted him. I forgot to ask your name.

“Mom never gave me a name” he replied

Okay…. Then ill call you Jay.

Okay jay, I presume you’re alone again. So i guess it’s you and me.

We both spent the day again and while we are walking he stopped.

“What did i do for her to hate me?” He cried

Oh sweety, don’t think like….

“Why? Why? Am i evil? Am i bad?” He added

“I only love you is that bad? Tell me mommy is that bad.” He shouted.

He run away and i tried to follow him but he’s gone. Assuming someone saw him i asked the nearby people.

Excuse me sir, have you seen the little kid i was with a while ago?

“What kid? You were all by yourself the whole day.”

Are you kidding me? A boy? Probably aged 7?

“You’re crazy woman” he said

I went to my car and drove to his home hoping he might be there

I run towards the door and knock.

Anyone there? Excuse me? Jay?

I tried holding the knob but its not locked and as i went inside the house is abandoned.

Tears ran down from my eyes as i thought of him. The past i tried to run away and forget.

“She hates me” i remember 7 years ago during my teen pregnancy that i always shout at my stomach drunk “i fcking hate you! You ruined my life!”

“Am i evil? Am i bad?” No no no no. I’m sorry. No. No. No. As i was shredded in guilt and pain.

“I only love you is that bad” no baby I’m sorry. As his words keep playing in my mind. Baby I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. No. No.

As i cry myself out i felt a hug in the back. It was him.

Baby I’m sorry. Mommy doesn’t hate you. Mommy hates herself. I love you baby. I love you so much. I’m sorry.

“It’s okay mommy. Please don’t cry. I love you. I will always love you. Mommy”

“This story is in no way saying that women should have no say with what they do with their own bodies. Treat this story just that, a story. I as a man, have no say in whatever a woman does with her body and I believe a woman should have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies without being treated as a criminal.”

-Kobe